Discovery – Part 3: Lack of better to do
So here I am on a typical Saturday night as I’m starting to pack my
boxes and bring them to my new place in Belmont Shores over the next
few weeks. Since my roomies cancelled going out and the rest of the
rowing team is up in Berkeley, I found myself with the lack of
something better to do once again. But never worry, I came back to the
list and did some research again.
This Week’s Mystery of the
“Every other virtual equals (something?)”
WTF is this? I’m writing this down. I can’t exactly remember the
ending. Perhaps I can put it against a truth table and make it complete
somehow. Otherwise I’m going to ignore it for now.
So I found this cool guide to understanding people like me. Once again,
a lot of it is harsh and
I will comment on most of it below.
Welcome to yet another document about INTJ’s.
Numerous INTJ resources are available on the web, but they are all
descriptive (telling you some things about us) without being
particularly prescriptive (instructing you on how to deal with us). So
we – a bunch of INTJ’s – decided to rectify that situation by providing
you this convenient, handsomely designed, and eminently well written
instructional guide. Targeted towards the friends, co-workers, and
relatives of INTJ’s, this handbook is intended to provide you with the
understanding necessary to make your interactions with us go smoother,
and to surround you with butterflies and sunshine.
Okay, our integrity demands we admit the real goal is to make life
easier for us. Since only about 1% or 2% of the general population are
INTJ’s and we’re a pretty reclusive bunch, we’re probably a mystery to
you. Consequently you don’t really know how to interact with us, and
many of you tend to annoy us. Hopefully this guide will help alleviate
that. We just thought if we made it about you and your needs you’d be
more likely to read it. You needy bastards.
Since numerous detailed INTJ type descriptions are already available on
the web, we’ll just hit the high points here:
37% of INTJ’s have IQ’s that place us in the top 2% of the general
population. We are visionaries, strategic (and compulsive) planners,
big-picture thinkers, complex problem solvers, adept decision makers,
conceptualists, theorists, and pattern recognizers – in short, we are
“masterminds” [insert evil mastermind laugh here].
I hate IQ tests. Though I agree that many in my family are visionaries.
Between gramp’s medical instruments being sent over to thrid world
countries and Dad’s artillery tools being sent to the fighters in Iraq,
I feel proud being amongst these few of the world. Sometimes I feel
people get me wrong as being arrogant and evil (as mentioned above).
don’t do feelings.
We use critical thinking, reason, and logic. We have a tough time with
people who make decisions based on emotions, and we can often come
across as blunt and cold because we ignore the feelings of others. But
on the plus side, we take criticism well since we have no feelings to
Sometimes I do “feel” others.
live inside our heads.
We frequently zone out. We get lost in thought and spend much of our
time inside our heads. If our immediate reality becomes boring, we will
retreat into our minds, and you might have to shout our names
repeatedly to get our attention so we will come out again. And no,
sorry, but you can’t come into our heads with us. You wouldn’t last
five minutes there. You’d be driven insane by the nonstop cacophony of
overlapping voices madly free-associating from one idea to the next.
Last thing I remember is a coxin yelling at me in the boat during
Newport Autumn Rowing Festival. I was so used to being in the bow that
a command for the “stern pair” just wandered off.
No type is more self-confident than the INTJ. We have a very keen
awareness of our own knowledge and abilities, and – more importantly –
of the limits of our knowledge and abilities. Consequently we can come
across as arrogant sometimes. This is your problem to deal with, not
ours, since it is a problem of erroneous perception (yours).
Why do you
think I moved out and escaped to Crescent City last summer!? HAH! I
think the whole “it’s your problem” is a little harsh. I really try to
make myself aware of the other end of the conversation when I can.
Because we are somewhat detached from reality, because we are
introverted (we find interacting with people to be tiring and
tiresome), because we are very private, and because we are impassive,
we tend to come across as rather reserved and aloof. Okay, we actually
are reserved and aloof.
Hate to say
with an INTJ
Do’s and Don’ts (mostly Don’ts):
DON’T ask one of us a question unless you really want a truthful
answer. We will not sugarcoat it for you, and we don’t tell white lies
to spare anyone’s feelings. Do you really, truthfully want to know if
those jeans make your ass look fat? Normal person’s response: “Um, no,
you look fine. Really.” Honest person’s response: “Well… maybe a
different belt would help?” INTJ’s response: “No, it’s not the jeans
that make your ass look fat; it’s your fat ass that makes your ass look
If this was
an exact situation that I had to deal with, I’d disagree with this. Go
with the white lies 😉
DON’T express an opinion to us unless you are prepared to back it up
with sound arguments and well pedigreed facts and evidence. Otherwise
do not be surprised when we logically shred your opinion for you and
hand it back to you in tatters.
Eh? Does it
involve some kind of logic truth table? HAH! Just kidding! Unless it
was something I was interested in, I could really care less. If I
really wanted something my way, in a fair way, influence is the way to
DON’T be repetitive. We have absolutely no patience for that. There’s
no need to cover old ground, and we heard you the first time, unless we
were zoning out. And if we were zoning out it’s probably because you
started repeating yourself.
DON’T take 100 words to say what could have been said in 10.
Content-free speech will cause an INTJ to zone out faster than
sometimes I have to do the opposite of this when I have to explain
DON’T engage us in “small talk”. Keep in mind that you are competing
for our attention with all the voices in our heads, and they are bound
to be far more interesting than you. The voices are constantly regaling
us with things like anagrams of Wayne Newton (Wanton Weeny, We Annoy
Newt, New Yawn Tone, …) and candidate titles for parodies of “Carry On
My Wayward Son” (“Cary Grant Was Six Foot One”, “Curry On My Egg Foo
Yung”, …). Do you really think your talk of the weather or your six
year old’s soccer league is going to be more compelling than that?
Please. Be realistic.
is disturbing. I’m not that strange.
DON’T look at an INTJ in bewilderment when he/she discloses an idea to
you. Yes, it may have required a double somersault of imagination to
reach their conclusion. Ask them to take you through it step-by-step;
they will happily oblige. Ideas are of ultimate importance to an INTJ,
and it is a compliment for them to share their ideas with you.
Similarly, failing to give due attention to an INTJ’s idea is a high
form of insult.
really agree with the “insult”.
DO… um… well, we thought there should be at least one “DO” but we can’t
think of one. Oh, how about this: DO keep it short.
have loved to change some of these DONT’s to DO’s and make it more
constructive and less arrogant.
Q: Where can I
find an INTJ?
A: We INTJ’s are